Thursday, June 14, 2012

Focusing on the positives and dealing with the shit.

Exactly four weeks until I fly away on a jet plane to Phuket for 10 glorious days with Drew (aka the boy).   So looking forward to some serious R&R and quality relax time with my gorgeous man. Bring it on.

So as the brain starts to think about summer clothes, what to pack, what to buy, what to buy to take... (that is such a girl thing) my brain starts thinking "bikini, shorts..."! Not only what to take on the trip but eek putting the white pale body into summer gear again. Never fear, I know I have four weeks to smash myself, come on of course I am going to be feeling great in my summer gear, I will be on HOLIDAYS with my man who loves me and my curves (cue Bridget Jones "he loves me just the way I am"). Simple things that please really. A trip to a far away land filled with bright blue beaches, cocktails, seafood and shopping, spa trips... that is what I am focusing on.

If you feel confident about yourself and your body and not concentrate on how "bad" things look you will focus your positive energy on the things you like... reaping all the positive energy that comes back ten fold, it will transform how you feel about yourself. 

I asked Twitter and Facebook people a week ago what they LIKED about their bodies... thought it was an interesting concept since we mostly talk about what we DON'T LIKE or what we would LIKE TO CHANGE.   Most answers weren't direct "I like my bulging biceps" it was more about overall self-approval like "I like that my body puts up with my training", which in someways was good, but also deflecting thoughts of the parts they don't like, which was great!  My overall motto for life really is, if you don't like something, work hard towards achieving it.  (Keep It Simple Stupid).  I figure I am never going to look like Elle Macpherson, but I can keep my body lean and fit and healthy.

The last couple months I have had a few interruptions to my training & even nutrition, due mostly to my mindset being off due to constant pain with knees.  Being told  I have arthritis and that my right knee is pretty much degenerating to bone on bone, the discussion of knee realignment surgery and knee reconstructions was NOT how I had imagined the meeting with the surgeon to go. A little keyhole surgery was the plan, wasn't it. It hit me hard. Was a lot of information for me to take in. 

I know it is only a minor thing compared to other injuries, surgeries and disabilities or issues others have to deal with on a day-to-day basis, but I still had to DEAL with my emotions, frustrations and pain and a kind of grieving process for myself that I am sure some people will understand and others might not. I don't really care what people think. All I know is that I feltl a little disjointed, a little weak and not capable of doing what MY body has let me do for years, dance, run, jump.  It ain't the end of the world! I am not moping around.  I have had to stop and think, then change my training routine, meaning giving up classes and charity running events that brought me so much pleasure & satisfaction.  

I don't get that same feeling from anything else really fitness wise - that complete mental and physical release, letting your body go for that hour dance class or focusing on the money raised for a great charity to help others during a run - nothing else really matches. The feeling I get from weight training is freaking awesome but in a different way. 

I have to deal with my shit. I am a big believer of it isn't the issue but HOW you deal with it that matters, and that is so so true. That positive affirmation is getting me in a better place mentally and hopefully physically. 

So to date I  have trained really well and eaten well 85% of the time.  Having only a couple days to go on the #whole30 nutrition plan, with a few days off the wagon (was all delicious and didn't feel guilty at all, I am learning)  I am feeling much healthier and am definitely fitter and also leaner. Have lost about 2.8kgs and my shoulders are POPPING!   Even did a little gun shot a week ago I was feeling so pumped.  I have re-focused my energy on the things I CAN DO, not what I CANNOT DO. I am keeping it real. Stressing less, which in turn is making me just feel alive, happy and free. That is key. I think I have honestly let go of the guide ropes and just walking freely - feels amazing.

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